You want self-confidence? That solid feeling of trust in who you are, what you can do, and the decisions you make? Here’s how you get it:
You set aside all the negative beliefs you have about who you are, what you can do, and the decisions you make.
Simple. Just kidding.
You could try talking yourself out of the problem. But I’ll bet you’ve already tried that and you know that talking yourself out of a lack of confidence only works sometimes. And in most cases, not for very long. The trick is figuring out how to set aside the beliefs that are holding you back from confidence for good.
So, what do you do?
Determine what’s holding you back
First, you have to figure out what negative beliefs you’ve got in operation that are holding you back.
You’re not going to like this part because it means you’re going to have to admit some things to yourself that you aren’t going to want to admit. Those things are going to be stuff like,
- I wish someone would take care of me.
- I want more attention.
- I want to be the most special.
- I don’t want to work for what I get, I just want it to come to me.
- Whatever. There are a lot of possibilities.
It will take a while to find these thoughts because you will have to fight your rational mind that says, no way do I think that kind of thing. You’ll have to pay very close attention to your feelings. And those feelings are hidden. Because they are shameful, babyish, humiliating feelings to realize you have as an adult. They are the feelings that got you ridiculed as a kid, and make you ridicule or hate people for having them now. Including yourself. Once you face the fact that you feel weak, babyish, unworthy, bad, or whatever it is, you will know what’s under your lack of confidence.
Develop a new voice
Then, you develop a voice within yourself (an authority) with a different set of beliefs about any and all feelings you might have. Now, or ever.
This is usually easier when you’ve put someone else in charge of your emotional life for a while first. (Like a therapist.) That’s because it’s really hard to override the already well-established, punitive, authority in your head on your own.
Practical application of establishing a new belief system is done by experiencing your “unacceptable feelings” in a conscious way without judgment over and over and over again. That’s how it’s done.
Questions? Call me. We’ll talk.
p.s. Want to learn a lot more about improving your self-confidence? Download the introduction to my book Emotional Utopia, Stop Searching For Happiness and Start Living It.