Anger can feel like a wildfire
Anger can feel like a wildfire, flaring up and leaving you wondering, “Why can’t I control my anger?” If you’re an adult in the Tampa Bay area grappling with this question, you’re not alone. Let’s dive into some reasons why controlling anger might feel so tough and how you can start mastering it.
Tools to Help You Control Your Anger
One reason you might struggle to control your anger is that you haven’t yet learned the practical tools to manage it. The good news? These skills are straightforward to pick up and get better with practice. Think of it like learning to drive—you start with the basics, and over time, it becomes second nature. In therapy, we can work together to build techniques like meta-awareness of your breathing, pausing before acting, or redirecting your energy in heated moments. These tools empower you to stay calm and focused, even when life throws curveballs. But what if you’ve tried these techniques and still find yourself losing it? That brings us to another piece of the puzzle.
Why Don’t I Control My Anger?
Sometimes, a deeper part of you—what we call the unconscious—might not want to control your anger. Sounds strange, right? But hear me out. Your unconscious mind holds onto old goals, like times you felt justified in your anger but couldn’t express it. Maybe you were taught to bottle it up, or maybe past frustrations are still simmering beneath the surface looking for an opportunity. When stress hits or you feel provoked, those old feelings can override your willpower, leading to outbursts that leave you baffled. If you’ve never faced serious consequences like legal trouble or a broken relationship due to your anger, you might not have had a reason to dig into these deeper issues. But if you’re reading this, chances are you’re ready to dive in — not just to manage your anger in the moment but to master it for lasting peace of mind.
Mastering Yourself Through Self-Knowledge
If your goal is not only to “control” your anger but to find that fewer things incite you to anger, then you must spend time finding the part of you that does not want to control your anger. You must revisit times when you were justifiably angry and could not express the feeling. You must visit and experience the irrational, illogical, impractical part of your mind. You must become a master of yourself, but not by blind will. Mastery by self-knowledge and peaceful acceptance. It can be yours.
Ready to Take Charge?
If you’re ready to master your anger and live with more peace, I’m here to help. As a licensed psychotherapist in Tampa’s North Hyde Park, near the University of Tampa, I specialize in helping adults like you manage anger and find balance. Not sure if your anger is out of line? Take this short test to see if you’re managing your anger effectively.
Leah Benson, LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Tampa, FL.
