A while back, I wrote a blog explaining why therapists don’t answer questions, and while none of what I said in that blog has changed, I want to reiterate some points and add some others.
- The therapist is not a model for how you should live the details of your life. I am a model for how you can be kind to yourself, and how you can pay attention to yourself in a non-judgmental way.
- A therapist doesn’t have the right answers for you. Only you have the right answers for you.
- When I answer a question for you, I take away the opportunity for us to explore the reasons for your question, and the meaning you might make out of certain answers. These are MUCH more important than the answer to the question.
I want to be clear that I’m not saying you shouldn’t have or shouldn’t ask questions.
What I am saying is that more important than the answers to the questions are the things you can learn from your motivation to ask.
You see, therapy is, at its heart, an exercise in mindfulness. Anything you do in therapy is something that can be “looked at,” and used to understand you a little bit better. And since mindfulness is the foundation of every path to happiness and peace-of-mind in the world, we don’t want to miss any opportunity to build your skills.
Getting the answers to your questions without understanding the motivation behind them can actually undermine your goals in therapy.
That’s because by simply asking questions without analyzing why, you are doing the same thing you would do outside therapy. Which isn’t mindful, and which seems like a waste of time and money since you’ve decided to pay someone to help you make things different in your life.
To top it off, I’ll leave you with this:
If I don’t do my best to help you build that foundation of mindfulness and change the way you’ve done things up to this point, then, in essence, I’m stealing from you. And I don’t want to steal from you. I want to help you solve the problem you came to me for as quickly as possible. When I answer questions about me, I’m slowing down that process.
So, please. Let yourself have questions.
Just don’t expect me to answer them without first exploring why you want to know the answer. Because that’s the important part.
Ready to speed up the process of finding happiness and peace of mind? Give me a call. We’ll talk.