3 Reasons Why You Don’t Like Yourself

Ever wondered, why don’t I like myself?

Don’t worry. You’re not the only one. Unfortunately, this question is way more common than you might think. There are plenty of logical, “reasonable” answers you might provide yourself in explanation. I’m lazy. I’m not attractive. I don’t have any friends. I can’t do anything right. I’ve never accomplished anything. But these reasons are judgmental, outwardly focused, and too simplistic.

The “real” reasons you don’t like yourself go deeper. They’re more fundamental. And they go way back.

The “real” reasons you don’t like yourself go deeper. They’re more fundamental. And they go way back.

1. You’re not following the “rules.” The “rules” I’m talking about are the set of beliefs you were programmed with by the people who raised you. Many of these beliefs are known to you, but many more are not. When you don’t live up to certain beliefs you were programmed with, you feel a deep sense that something is wrong with you. That you are “not worthy.” Nothing will seem like an accomplishment, no matter how outstanding. To feel better about yourself, you’ll need to discover what “rules” you are breaking and determine consciously whether they are rules you want to follow or break. When you do this, you eliminate the conflict that causes you to feel bad about yourself for not following them.

2. You’re not following the instincts of your heart and gut. When you don’t follow the instincts of your heart and gut, you are making decisions and living a life based on expectations outside you. That have no meaning for you. You won’t like yourself because the reasons you do anything won’t have much, if anything, to do with what’s fundamentally important to you. Great accomplishments won’t feel like accomplishments. You will feel separated from your life, as if it’s not a part of you. You won’t have anything to feel good about since what’s happening in your life is not really part of you.

Technically, that’s it.

3. But there is a third reason you might not like yourself, and it’s a combination of the other two. In this case, you are following the instincts of your heart and your gut, but those instincts contradict the “rules” you should be following.

Obviously, this puts you in bind. You either lose the approval of the people who love you and give you a sense of validation for who you are and what you are doing. Or, you lose the satisfaction of living your life rather than the life someone else thinks you should be living.

Need some help sorting out how these factors might be affecting how you feel about yourself? Call me. We’ll talk.

p.s. You can also download a free copy of the introduction to my book Emotional Utopia. This book is all about how to stop searching for happiness and start living it.

Emotional Utopia, the book by Leah Benson, LMHC

Contact me now to set up your free 15-minute phone consultation.

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