Be kind to yourself.
I often say “be kind to yourself” when people are walking out of my office. And the reason I do that is because earlier in the session, or at that moment, I have felt how awful the person is feeling about themselves. They are down on themselves about the choices they’ve made, or about who they are because of how they feel, or about what they want or need.
What do you mean, “be kind to yourself” and why should I?
It took me a long time to understand what it truly means to be kind to yourself. But I can tell you now.
What it means is you understand the fundamental human needs, longings and desires that have caused you to do things that you feel bad about. Because they are universal.
We have needs, longings and desires. And we sometimes have explosions that are a result of those needs, longings and desires. The explosions then often make us feel like really bad people. Sometimes, like fundamentally, not good people. And so, we beat ourselves up about it. You beat yourself up about it.
So, when I say to you, “be kind to yourself,” as you walk out that door, what I am trying to do is remind you to do something for yourself that I’m doing for you at that moment.
In that moment, I “see” you and I feel you beating yourself up. And what I want you to know is that someone understands all your needs, your longings and your desires. And it is those needs, longings and desires that I want you to be kind to yourself about. I’m not saying, “give yourself permission to act terrible.” What I’m saying is, “understand the foundation and the underpinnings of what caused you to act in the way you did.”
How can I be kind to myself?
Try to see yourself as a person who had a legitimate need, longing or desire that was being unmet, ridiculed, or ignored. Let yourself understand the motivations that you had, for whatever feeling you had, whatever behavior that happened, whatever state of anxiety or depression or anger that came up in you as a result. Be kind to that little person inside. That core person inside who has needs, longings and desires. Be kind to yourself.
Any questions? Give me a call. We’ll talk.
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