The Quick And Dirty Version Of How To Save Your Marriage

If you’ve been thinking about how to save your marriage, you’ve come to the right place.

illustration of 2 unhappy hearts

I have some answers.

First off, don’t feel too bad if you haven’t been able to figure out how to make it work on your own. Practically none of us get proper lessons on how to make an intimate adult relationship work. For that reason, we’re mostly doomed from the start.

Second, yes, it is possible to save your marriage.

But there are caveats. One is that it must be what you both really want, AND it depends a great deal on the circumstances.

Lastly, a hard truth is that sometimes, what’s best is that you end the relationship. Of course, only the two of you can determine that, but a conscious decision, with clear understanding about the “whys,” is most ideal.

Now for the part where I tell you how you can save your marriage.

two happy hearts illustration


First, you determine what level of intimacy you are at. And I don’t mean how much sex you have. I mean, how connected are you on a heart-to-heart level?


Next, you determine if you can be emotionally vulnerable with each other? If not, you build your level of emotional intimacy through very specific activities designed to increase emotional intimacy and tolerance for uncomfortable emotions.


Last, you work through the disappointments you have in each other without beating up the other person emotionally because they didn’t live up to your expectations.

Obviously, this is the CliffsNotes version of what happens to save a marriage. Sometimes the steps are rearranged, and often the process is long, dramatic, and difficult. There will be many details that must be explained, probably some boundary issues to be addressed, and many emotions to be discharged, but the overall process is as simple as these three steps.

Then, the practical steps of how to move forward, together or apart, are easier. You’ve cleared most of the emotions out of the way so that logical planning is easier, even if, in the case of separation, the leaving part is hard to do.

Ready to find out if you can save your marriage? Give me a call. We’ll talk.

Emotional Utopia, the book by Leah Benson, LMHC

Contact me now to set up your free 15-minute phone consultation.

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