How to Get Over a Breakup That You Wanted - Leah Benson Therapy
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How to Get Over a Breakup That You Wanted

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How to Get Over a Breakup That You Wanted

Getting over a breakup can be difficult

You wanted to break up. You know they’re the wrong person. But waiting for all the feelings you have to subside after the breakup can be horrible. You feel crazy because you want them back, but of course you don’t want them back.

You’re nice to the person even though you’re trying to get them out of your life. You reach out because you remember lots of good things. Then you regret it because you’re reminded of exactly why they’re wrong for you.

The reality is, no matter how much you wanted it, the “uncoupling” process is difficult. You have good days and you have bad days.

Here’s what you have to remember. You are programmed to avoid a loss of connection. We all are. Your nervous system interprets a loss of connection to someone intimate as a threat to your livelihood. That’s because in your early life, it was. You are fighting your physiology.

The key to getting over a breakup is in focusing on your physiology:

  • Your body wants to cry sometimes. Let yourself cry.
  • Your body wants to scream sometimes. Let yourself scream.
  • Your body wants to hit sometimes. Let yourself hit.

Obviously, you do not want to do these things in front of people who would judge you. That would be embarrassing. And obviously, you do not want to harm yourself, anyone else, or damage any property when you do these things. However, if you can’t cry, scream, and/or hit in order to help you get over your breakup, you have bigger fish to fry than a breakup.

Having the ability to express your feelings is a fundamental building block of mental health. Including the ability to “get over” things. If you can’t do that, then perhaps the more fundamental issue of being able to express yourself is what you want to focus on.

John Gray of Mars/Venus fame wrote a book called, What You Feel You Can Heal, and I agree with him on that. But, I’ll take it one step further and say this. When you express the feelings you feel, you can heal. Feelings that are pent up and unexpressed are the basis for feeling like poo. The trick to feeling better is in releasing the unpleasant feelings.

One last thing:

Just because you let out the unpleasant feelings once or twice doesn’t mean they’re never going to come back.

It is inevitable that unpleasant feelings return from time to time. Especially in the beginning. That’s the nature of being human.

Don’t judge yourself for it. That will just make your ultimate goal take longer. Simply find some privacy and express what’s there.

You don’t get to decide how long it will take before the feelings stop returning. But you do have control over what you do with the feelings that are there. Get in the driver’s seat when it comes to your emotions. Take charge and “get over” that breakup by expressing what’s there to be felt.

If you can’t, call me. We’ll talk. I’ll teach you how to do it.