I sat down with John Gray, Charles J. Orlando, Atul Kumar Mehra, and Cara Cordoni, to discuss the importance of forgiveness and getting over it.
John Gray of Mars/Venus fame told us something Oprah once said to him in an interview:
“One of the biggest reasons forgiveness and “getting over it” is so important is that “when you hang on to anger or resentment, you are giving someone ‘free rent’ in your brain to torment you.”
Thank you, Oprah, for summing that up so perfectly.
Forgiveness and Getting Over It
In order to stop ruminating over past hurts, find a way to switch your focus. You can do this through talking, writing, art, movement or physical exertion. On the other hand, another way is to immerse yourself in the emotion and enact the anger or frustration you’re feeling with your therapist or alone in private. You can do this by hitting a punching bag or a pile of pillows while stirring up your emotion by yelling or screaming. The vocalization is important because you must be focusing on and experiencing the emotion at the time you do the activity to “discharge” the energy. If you are not experiencing the emotion, the discharge activity will not be integrated with the hurtful experience, and you will end up continuing to let it be stuck in your mind. Often, immersing yourself in a past hurt allows you to examine it and move on to a deeper understanding of yourself and perhaps, the other person.
3 rules for this discharge exercise:
- Never do this as a form of communication or in front of the person you’re mad at, or anyone else who doesn’t understand what you’re doing.
- Don’t hurt yourself or anyone else.
- Don’t damage any property.
If you’d like to explore this idea, give me a call. We’ll talk.
