Getting a divorce is never pleasant. Even when you call it “conscious uncoupling.” Which Gwyneth Paltrow did when she announced that she and her husband, Chris Martin, were caput.
Social media was full of chatter about the breakup. But, the hubbub was less about the fact they were getting divorced and more about the words she chose to describe the separation.
What the heck is “conscious uncoupling?” And why does the explanation on her website say stuff about skeletons and insects?
When you get right down to it, “conscious uncoupling” is the title of a website designed to sell a five-week online “system” of divorce for $279. Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow decided to use the term after hearing it from her holistic medical practitioner. The description on her website of “conscious uncoupling”, with its references to skeletons and insects, leaves something to be desired. Including a simple explanation.
Divorce is Usually Ugly
Unfortunately, divorce is generally ugly. Two people who have created a life together, and who have developed many expectations of one another and of themselves in relation to their spouse, are trying to get out of each others’ daily lives. This is not easy. And society generally does not approve. Which makes it even harder.
I think the article about insects and skeletons meant to explain how Gwyneth and her husband have changed. And that in their transformations, they have decided that being married doesn’t work for them. Therefore, they want to separate from each other in a way that does not consciously hurt or place blame on each other for the failure of their relationship as married people.
So, you can see, the concept is not really that complicated. It’s just very difficult to execute. It requires a process of self-discovery, and a willingness to acknowledge your shortcomings without defensiveness. When you can do that, you can be compassionate about the shortcomings of your spouse. Ultimately, you recognize with a clear head and heart that their way of living does not match up with the way you want to live Be it at a practical level, an emotional level, or simply at the level of common interest.
If you are interested in finding a way to separate that will ultimately be the easiest on you, and your children (if you have them), give me a call. We’ll talk.