Having heard someone wonder if they were turning their child gay, I decided to address the question, “can I make my kid gay?”
The short answer is, no.
Whether you believe that sexual orientation is genetically determined, a choice or neither; thinking that you can do anything about who your child is ultimately attracted to is naïve at best, and harmful to your child’s self-concept at worst. It’s more important for you to recognize that in asking the question, you reveal a bias against a same-sex love interest by your child. When you do that, you are setting them up for a lifetime of battles against depression, anxiety, relationship problems, and self-doubt.
You Are a Mirror
Your child’s self-concept starts with you. As a result, you are a mirror for your child. When you reflect rejection, your child will reject themself. On the other hand, when you reflect acceptance of what you see, your child will accept themself.
Overcoming any difficulty you have about who your child loves (or might love), and letting go of how you think what they are doing reflects on you, is more important than anything else you can give them. In the end, they are going to develop the attachments and connections that make them feel good, no matter what your difficulties are with what they are doing.
Your Child Needs Tools for Success
Give your child what they need more than anything else to be successful in life. Give them your unconditional acceptance of their feelings.
Society may tell your child that something is wrong with them. But your refusal to agree will shield them, provide them with confidence, and allow them to move forward in life with ease.
Don’t let your difficulty become your child’s stumbling block. Find out why you worry if your child might be gay.
Ready to figure this out? Call me. Let’s talk.