– Let me get the hard news out of the way…
If you want better relationships, you have to take a good look at yourself first.
The truth is, any change you want to see in your outside world starts with “the self.” Which means YOU.
- Only YOU can change your perspective on what’s happening around you.
- Only YOU can learn to relate differently to stuff that pisses you off.
- Only YOU can commit to making the deep changes that must occur in order for you to experience life in a new way.
Including having better relationships.
Changing your perspective, learning to relate differently, and committing to deep change are not easy tasks. They are difficult and require changing your brain.
Literally. Changing your brain.
That can happen in two ways.
1. Repetition of an experience so many times that an automatic pathway is forged.
2. A lightning bolt of experience that blazes a new pathway instantly.
Since life rarely presents us with the lightning bolts of experience that change us in ways we want, the most reliable way to change your brain is through repetition over time.
This is where commitment comes in.
Better relationships will begin when you:
Commit to learning how to remain calm in the face of difficult emotional situations.
Commit to learning how to keep your heart open and stay kind to someone you love who is lashing out at you.
Commit to learning how to discharge excess energy you have that might fuel negative interactions with those around you.
Training exercises for better relationships
They might seem too simple to make any difference in your life, but rest assured. They are powerful and effective.
1. Lie backward over a stability ball with your arms over your head and breathe deeply for 3 minutes. Follow this movement with the “grounding pose,” as described below.
2. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and bend forward at the waist. Let your head, neck, and arms hang heavy. Breathe deeply into the floor of your belly for 3 minutes. Finish this pose by rolling up to a standing position slowly, one vertebra at a time.
Do each of these movements 3 times. Complete the sequence by standing with your feet shoulder-width apart and breathing into the floor of your belly. Notice the changes in your body that have occurred since you started. This part of the exercise is as important as the breathing and grounding movements you just performed. It cements the experience.
Cementing positive new habits is key to mental health. And a big part of mental health is good relationships.
Would you like to commit to mastering the 3 keys to better relationships?
Call me. We’ll talk.
p.s. If you want more information about exercises you can do to improve your relationships, pick up a copy of my book, Emotional Utopia, Stop Searching For Happiness And Start Living It.
Leah Benson, LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Tampa, FL
